Dr. Ben Carson received a lot of unfavorable publicity early in his campaign to become President of the United States because of his stated belief that the Biblical story of Joseph son of Jacob was true, that there was indeed a 7-year famine in Egypt in the days of Joseph, and that one or several pyramids was connected in some way with the storage of grain supervised by Joseph.

    Doctor Carson was named Benjamin by his mother.  Benjamin was Joseph's younger brother, whose mother Rachel died either while Benjamin was being born, or very soon afterwards.  She named her son Benoni, but Jacob, his father would not accept that name, ("Son of sorrows") but instead named Joseph's new brother Benjamin ("Son of my Right Hand").  Genesis 35:16-20.

    Genesis  41:45 "And Pharaoh called Joseph's name Zaph-nath-pa-a-ne-ah: --

--and he gave him to wife Asenath the daughter of Potipherah priest of On. And Joseph went out over all the land of Egypt."

    I promised on the previous page to tell you about Mary Magdalene's "connection" to the Egyptian Goddess ISIS. It is through Asenath, who was mother of Ephriam and Manasseh, the sons of Joseph.

    Asenath's father was Potipherah, a priest of the Egyptian Sun God, Osiris, whose temple was at On, also called Heliopolis. Now a suburb of Cairo.

     The Goddess ISIS was the wife of Osiris and their Only-Begotten-Son was Horus.  So Asenath had a maximum exposure to the theology of the ISIS religion before she married Joseph son of Jacob-Israel.

IIsis was thought by the Egyptians to live in the UNDERWORLD where

the SUN disappered to during the night only to be reborn the next day

on the other horizon as Horus, the Son of Isis.  Isis became the

Mother of God by being pregnant overnight with Osiris' God-Child.

More about the ISIS connection to Christianity at the end of this page!

       I also promised to compare Judah's blessing with that of Joseph at the end of Jacob-Israel's life.

    Genesis 49:1 "And Jacob called all his sons, and said, Gather yourselves together, that I may tell you that which shall befall you in the last days,"

     2 "Gather yourselves together, and hear, ye sons of Jacob; and hearken unto Israel your father."

    8 "Judah, thou art he whom thy brethren shall praise: thy hand shall be in the neck of thine enemies; thy father's children shall bow down before thee."

      9 "Judah is a lion's whelp: from the prey, my son, thou art gone up: he stooped down, he couched as a lion, and as an old lion; who shall rouse him up?"

     10 "The sceptre shall not depart from Judah, nor a lawgiver from between his feet, until Shiloh come; and unto him shall be the gathering of the people be."

     11 "Binding his foal unto the vine, and his ass's colt unto the choice vine; he washed his garments in wine, and his clothes in the blood of grapes:--"

    12 "His eyes shall be red with wine, and his teeth white with milk."

   This is indeed a good blessing and good prophecy that Jacob has given to Judah -- the only one equal to it is that for Joseph, and since Joseph's blessing is largely about reproduction and fruitfulness, how nice it would be for a young couple in a later age to combine these two blessings by marrying each other!  A descendent of Judah betrothed to marry a descendent of Joseph.

      25 "Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings from heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb:--" 

   Here the phrase "--"blessings of the deep that lieth under" --appears to refer to Isis's nightly reign in the UNDERWORLD, showing that Jacob knew his Egyptian Theology also.

     26 "The blessings of thy father have prevailed above the blessings of my progenitors unto the utmost bound of the everlasting hills; they shall be on the head of Joseph, and on the crown of the head of him that was seperate from his brethren,"

The Lion of Judah proposes Marriage

to the Lamb of Joseph

       Here we'll switch from Luke's account of Jesus' two miracles on the same day to Mark's account for the following reasons --

 1) Most Biblical scholars agree that Mark's account was written first and that Luke copied it later.

 2) Most scholars believe that in Mark's gospel we are really reading Simon Peter's experiences and opinions as later related to Mark.

 3) Peter is related in the story as one of a relatively few people that Jesus allowed to stay in Jairus' daughter's bedroom as he was "raising her from sleep or the dead", whichever the case may have been.

 4) Mark (Peter) quotes Jesus' actual command to Jairus' daughter in Aramaic, which adds a bit to the illusion of authenticity.

 5) Simon Peter was a married man at the time this disguised betrothal actually occurred, and could better appreciate the humor of the story, especially the multiple sexual jokes implied in the "bleeding woman" interruption which both gospels carefully relate.   We'll see how even a small slip-up in any of these "lines" or "sound-bites" could have ruined these jokes.

             1000 years after King David honored a man named Ira the Jairite to the position of one of his Chief Rulers, or perhaps his personal priest, we're now at the time of Jesus Christ, who we do know claimed to be a descendent of both Judah and King David, who "healed" by "raising from the dead", the daughter of a "Ruler of the Synagogue" whose name was --

Jairus, the Greek form of Jair

    Mark 5:22 "And, behold, there cometh one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name, and when he saw him, he fell at his feet."

    "Fell at his feet" is here the first of thirty jokes in the married Simon Peter's version of this disguised betrothal ceremony.  Feet were an Essene euphemism for the male sexual organ and for intercourse.  Thus, a lame man (crippled feet) was celibate.

     23a "And besought him greatly, saying, My little daughter--"

     We shall discover as we continue to "play along" with Simon Peter and his jokes, that Jairus' daughter was actually 24 years old, and trying to have a child for 12 years of that time, so "my little daughter" is Peter's second joke of eleven jokes.

     23b "---lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay hands on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live."

    A similar sexual euphemism applied to girls and women of child-bearing age was both "sleeping" and "death".  The first term for temporary and the second permanent inability to become pregnant and bear children.  "Laying hands" on such a person suggests sexual foreplay to "wake the woman up" sexually.  Jokes 3 and 4 in Simon Peter's presentation.

    23 "And Jesus went with him; and much people followed him, and thronged him."  Mark does not here say that this daughter is twelve years old, but he'll get to that detail later.

     Mark 5:25  "And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years,--"

    Peter, being as he was a married man, with children of his own, and a wife with which he lived, knew about "that time of the month", and that when his wife was not pregnant, she would have her menstrual period every month.  Jairus' daughter, never having conceived and become pregnant, had experienced 12 years of menstrual periods without a let up.   Was she ill? Certainly not.  That she was seriously ill is Peter's joke number 5.

     26 "And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse,---"

    Having slipped by his readers the joke that the healthy Mary Magdalene (as Jairus' daughter) is seriously ill, then he's ready to try some physician jokes -- back then, as now, people went "physician shopping" which can prove to be expensive.  This is no joke on us, but casts doubt on the skill and real worth of physicians.  Joke 6 and 7.  That going to quack physicians can actually make you worse, and even kill you, is joke number 8.

      However, there's another level here for levity and mirth.  For a married man like Peter who sees Mary as suffering sexual molestation and inappropriate touching from a number of different men because she hopes to thereby become pregnant, not because she enjoys any of the attention of this type.  Joke number 9.  No pregnancy resulted "nothing bettered"-- Joke number 10.  "But rather grew worse"-- now she is not only older, but everyone is sure that she is a "barren woman" and nobody who wants to have children wants her as a wife. Joke number 11.

    27 "When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment."

    Here the joke is she came in secrecy to get Jesus to make her pregnant using the crowded situation to cover up what she was up to.  Which was not the real situation here, as Peter well knew.  This was an ordinary Essene betrothal ceremony, carried on in the usual way, subject to regulations and set procedures. Joke number 12.

      "Touched his garment" was a joke about the necessity to get at least partially undressed to have sexual intercourse.  A "nakedness joke".  Generally a winner with other married listeners.  Joke number 13.  But in this case the woman involved had an Egyptian background, and the immediate listeners knew the story about how Potipher's wife had tried to seduce Joseph the son of Jacob. Joke number 14.  This time, however, Jesus did not pull away leaving his garment in Mary Magdalene's hand.  Joke number 15. And  we're not even close to the end of Simon Peter's winning streak!  However, few audiences have been so naive as we Christians have been!

     28 "For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be made whole."

      "Everyone older than puberty knows (we assume) that it takes more than touching someone's clothes to become "whole" (pregnant) -- Joke number 16.

     29 "And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague."

     "Straightway -- right away" is Peter's joke number 17.  He knows that this is just a betrothal ceremony, and that it took several years for Mary to become pregnant. "The fountain of her blood drying up" is Joke number 18 about missing periods, but no joke to women nowadays who see this as a personal disaster. Joke number 19 is the feeling of being pregnant -- morning sickness, weight gain, the typical belly bump.  And Joke number 20 is that non-pregnancy is a "plague".  Not true for most women.

     30 "And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?"

     Here "virtue had gone out of him" means orgasm and ejaculation of sperm.  Joke number 21 in this case, because Peter knew that this would not occur until months later according to Essene customs.  Joke number 22, that touching his clothes would have this effect on Jesus.  Peter knew better.

     31 "And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?"

     32 "And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing."

     33 "But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth."

     Here that Mary Magdalene was fearful and trembling, having now been able to arrange for a new man to try to make her pregnant is Joke number 23.

     34 "And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague."

      Down the garden path. Typical Jesus religious talk to cover up what Peter has been up to here. Joke number 24. 

     35 "While he yet spake, there came  from the ruler of the synagogue's house certain which said, Thy daughter is dead, why troublest thou the Master any further?"

     Jairus' daughter's condition  has not changed in any way. Some people now judge her as being permanently "barren" (dead). Joke number 25.

     36 "As soon as Jesus heard what was spoken, he saith unto the ruler of the synagogue, Be not afraid. only believe."

     More down the garden path.

     37 "And he suffered no man to follow him, save Peter, and James, and John the brother of James."

     The betrothal ceremony begins.  A crowd is not necessary, only the woman's parents and a few witnesses.

     38 "And he cometh to the house of the ruler of the synagogue, and seeth the tumult, and them that wept and wailed greatly."

     The weeping and wailing are Joke number 26. It's not a funeral but a betrothal ceremony.    

     39 "And when he was come in, he saith unto them, Why make ye this ado, and weep? the damsel is not dead, but sleepeth."

     Jesus is confident that he can rather rapidly take care of Mary Magdalene's "temporary" inability to become pregnant.  That had persisted by that time for 12 years.  Joke number 27.

     40 "And they laughed him to scorn. But when he had put them all out, he taketh the father and mother of the damsel, and them that were with him, and entereth in where the damsel was lying."

     They laughed Jesus to scorn not because he didn't know the difference between a sleeping person and a dead person, but because he was so confident that he could make Mary pregnant when nobody else had been able to do that for 12 years.

     41 "And he took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha cumi, which is, being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise."

     The actual betrothal ceremony in symbolic form.  The formality is quite obvious.  Not what one would say to a sleeping 12 year old child.  That the Aramaic words are quoted makes it seem more real, and indeed that may be what Jesus did say.

    42 "And straightway the damsel arose, and walked: for she was of the age of twelve years.  And they were astonished with a great astonishment."

    The astonishment and the twelve years are jokes 28 and 29.

     43 "And he charged them straitly that no man should know it; and commanded that something should be given her to eat."

     Joke number 30. This is not so much a joke as it is a measure of the naïveté and almost outright stupidity of Christian Bible readers.  The "Joke" has been on us for almost 2000 years.  And we are none the wiser. We'd do it again for anyone who will promise us ETERNAL LIFE!

The Raising of Jairus' Daughter

was actually the Betrothal of

Mary Magdalene

    ---who was really 24 years old, not 12 years old as Mark says she was in his account of this occasion that we have just read.

      Now let's deal with the connection between this story, given almost identically in Mark chapter 5 and Luke chapter 8, and the Wedding at Cana of Galilee story of John chapter 2.   Quite different, but on closer inspection, coupled with knowledge of Essene customs, dating codes, and rituals, shows the John "Wedding"  to also be about the "Betrothal" of Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

     The "Wedding" with No Bride nor Groom!

     John 2:1 "And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there."

     "Cana of Galilee" was a joking name for Ain Feskha, 3 Kilometers south of the Qumran monastery. Mary, Jesus' mother walked the 3 Kilometers north from Kherbit Mazin, a "village" where lived Essene widows like her, and married Essenes like Peter, Andrew, James, and John -- to Ain Feskha, were the ceremony was held.

     2 "And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage."

     "His disciples" was a joking name for John Mark, an Essene scribe who took notes of what Jesus said, and carried messages to the other disciples when they were not present.   He was required to attend this "Betrothal" ceremony.

      3 "And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine."

     "The Essenes celebrated every meaningful occasion with specially blessed bread and wine.  But Gentile Essenes and women were excluded from the wine before Jesus became the Essene Messiah.  On the occasion of his "Betrothal" he gave an "Executive Order" that from now on this exclusion was lifted.

       Some, but not all, of those who before were only entitled to baptism (the large pots of water) could now also drink the wine at appropriate Essene "Holy Meals".

     Thus, Jesus changed water to wine on this occasion.

!

Nowhere in this account is the name of the "Bride to be" (Mary Magdalene) nor the "Groom-to-Be" (Jesus Christ) given.

    2 1/2 Years Passed, and Mary was not yet pregnant-- Something more had to be done!

     John 11:53 "Then from that day forth they (Jesus political and religious enemies) took counsel together for to put him to death."

     Death with no heir was not a prospect that either Jesus or Mary Magdalene relished, so they ran off together to a resort area near Jerusalem owned by the Essenes -- in December of 32 AD.

    54 "Jesus walked no more openly among the Jews (at Qumran); but went thence unto a country near to the wilderness, into a city called EPHRIAM, and there continued with his disciples."

     "His disciples" also known as the "Disciple that Jesus loved" was the author of the Gospel of John, John Mark, and where John Mark was, Mary Magdalene was usually nearby also. Another clue that Magdalene was with Jesus during December of 32 AD was the name of the location "Ephriam".  Remember that Mary was a descendent of Joseph and Asenath, as was "Ephraim".  And the blessing of Jacob had promised ,  Genesis 49:25 "--blessings of the breasts, and of the womb:--"  By the end of December, 32 AD, Mary Magdalene's "bleeding" had stopped, and she had "morning sickness".

Three Months Later- March 33 AD

     John 12:1 "Then Jesus six days before the passover came to Bethany, where Lazarus was which had been dead, whom he had raised from the dead."

      2 "There they made him a supper; (the Real Wedding Feast), and Martha served: but Lazarus was one of them that sat at the table with him."

     Actually Lazarus performed the wedding ceremony.

     3 "Then took Mary a pound of ointment of spikenard, very costly, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and washed his feet with her hair: and the house was filled with the odour of the ointment."

     This ritual had been a part of the wedding ceremony of the David Kings since the time of King Solomon.  And Solomon included it in his book --"Song of Solomon".

      A woman washing a man's feet was symbolic of sexual activity, and Mary was three month's pregnant with her and Jesus' first child.   And therefore eligible (finally) for a real Essene marriage.

     Song of Solomon 1:12 "While the king sitteth at his table. my spikenard sendeth forth the smell thereof.  13 "A bundle of myrrh is my well-beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts."

And now Mary Magdalene was indeed the New Testament Joseph's Daughter-in-Law - But he, sadly, was Dead!

Click Here for Part 1 in this Series!