An anonymous blogger who
calls himself or herself 'FreeAtLast' placed this derisive
but humerous poem about 'Satan Claus' on the Spectrum magazine blog.
Some of the implied criticism is well-earned, but some is not. Since
Ellen G. White has been dead since 1915, almost 100 years, I'll take
the liberty to answer
these implied charges in her behalf -- Dr. Robert F. Holt, MD."l
ANSWER TO ELLEN WHITE'S
the Complete Poem, then the Answer
Twas the night before Sunday Law,
when all through the sect
Not a creature was stirring among the elect
The tithe envelopes were placed near the chimney with care
Because withholding the tithe, well, no one would dare!
The children were nestled all
snug in their beds
While the youthful scourge of self-abuse caved in their heads
And Ma in her reform dress and I in my cap
Had just settled down for our very last nap
When out on the roof there arose
such a clatter
I sprang from my knees to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash
Tore open the shutter and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new
Gave the luster of midday, like the 4th commandment halo
When what to my wondering eyes did appear
But a miniature mobile, and the Pope I did fear
With a little old driver, and his
Christ on stick
I knew in a moment Sabbathkeepers were up a crick
More rapid than eagles his followers they came
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name
and his Image!
(Could this get any more scary?!)
As gluten and soy make the
stomach cramps start
And cause gas in the bowels to erupt a great fart
So up to the housetop the apostates they flew
With a Popemobile full of former Adventists, and Mr. Pope too
And then, in a twinkling, I heard
on the roof
The Pope and the Devil, who appeared in a *poof*
As I drew in my head and was turning around
Down the chimney old Antichrist did bound
He was dressed all in white from
his mitred head to his cloven feet
Looking for those who refused to eat meat.
A bundle of weapons he had flung on his back
And I knew that his followers soon would attack.
His eyes gleaming evil, on his
Why this must be the Antichrist, up to his tricks!
With a wink of his eye, and a twist of his head
His Masonic gang signs gave us reason to dread
He spoke not a word but went
straight to his work
Took the tithe from the envelopes, that non-Adventist jerk!
And laying his finger aside of his nose
He signaled the Masons, probation must close.
He sprang to his Popemobile, to
his followers gave a shout
“Kill all of the Adventists, let God sort ‘em out!”
And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
“Merry Christmas to all unless you follow Ellen White!”
h/t Daneen Akers