|
Batman and Robin, THE JOKER, and the BLIND PROPHETESS |
|
PAGE 1 OF 3 PAGES THE HUMOR of JESUS |
|
Most of the World's Population knows little if anything about Jesus Christ and even fewer think of him as a humorist or Comic!  on this page we'll consider some of his ONE-LINER
JOKES!
Matthew 23:24 "Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat and swallow a camel." 25 "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess." 26 "Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also." 27 "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulcres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness."
JESUS' JOKES SOMETIMES SEEM INAPPROPRIATE TO US IN OUR GENERATION, SUCH AS HIS JOKE ABOUT HIS MOTHER AND BROTHERS WHEN THEY TRIED TO CAIN HIS ATTENTION ONE DAY -- HE SAID-- Matthew 12:48b "Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? 49 "And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!"
JESUS MADE A JOKE ABOUT SOMEONE CARRYING HIS CROSS
HERE TWO PEOPLE ARE SHOWN CARRYING THE SAME CROSS, JESUS' CROSS, WHILE THE HIDDEN HISTORY REVEALED BY "GOSPEL PESHER" SHOWS THAT TWO CROSSES WERE CARRIED NOT JUST ONE - THE SECOND CROSS WAS CARRIED BY SIMON MAGUS (A ZEALOT) WHO CARRIED HIS OWN CROSS BECAUSE HE ALSO WAS CRUCIFIED, BECOMING THE "GOOD THIEF"--- Luke 23:26 "And as they led him away, they laid hold upon one Simon, a Cyrenian, coming out of the country (that country being Samaria, Simon was a Samaritan priest and a Zealot, Simon Zelotes), and on him they laid the cross (his own cross), that he might bear it after Jesus." This was the first of two practical jokes involving Simon Magus as Simon Zelotes, who survived crucifixion with Jesus, and was still alive later to enjoy these jokes, knowing full well that he had carried his own cross to his own crucifixion. It's the type of "trick" that Simon himself, as a Magician, was playing constantly.
The second joke involving the "Good Thief", Simon Zelotes, the Zealot, hanging now beside Jesus on his own cross (which he had just carried, not Jesus' cross), was that Jesus promised him "Paradise" that very day. This was a private joke, because they both knew that "Paradise" was nothing more than Qumran Cave 4, a hundred yards or more from where they were being crucified. Simon Zelotes, as "Lazarus", had spent 4 sweaty days in that same cave several months before, and knew what a dismal "Paradise" this would be. But instead Jesus and he were placed in Cave 7 and 8, and Simon was able to help Jesus recover during the night. Luke 23:42 "And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom." (Simon, a Gnostic, and the leader of a large group of Gnostics, taught a theology in which death was of little importance, indeed only a doorway to a better life, one's real KINGDOM). 43 "And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, to day shalt thou be with me in paradise." (That's partly the expected joking return to Simon -- meaning -- Well, if I'm dead, and in my after life KINGDOM, you'll also be dead, and in your "Paradise" also. But the second meaning is what I suggested. Cave 4 was "Abraham's Bosom", the "Paradise" of the Parable of the "Rich Man and Lazarus". Appropriate here because Simon Zelotes' other name is "Lazarus" in both Luke and John.
Luke 16:19-31 illustrated Jesus' Other Hell Jokes (Not knowing Jesus as a Comedian, the Monks of the Middle Ages, and popes and priests have tended to take these "Jesus Jokes" seriously, as do Baptist preachers)
Matthew 5:21 "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment; 22 "But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire."
NOW ANYONE NOT KNOWING THAT JESUS WAS AND IS A COMEDIAN, MIGHT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY, AND THINK BACK TO THE LAST TIME SOMEBODY CUT THEM OFF AT AN INTERSECTION, OR WAS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL IN FRONT OF YOU WHEN THE LIGHT TURNED FROM RED TO GREEN. PERHAPS YOU DIDN'T SAY IT --- "YOU FOOL!" -- BUT YOU THOUGHT IT, AND TO JESUS, THAT'S THE SAME AS SAYING IT. IF HE'S PART OF THE TRINITY, AND YOUR JUDGE AT THE END OF TIME, YOU'RE AS GOOD AS BURNING IN HELL ALREADY! BUT, HE'S A COMEDIAN. RELAX! NOT CONVINCED? TRY THIS!
Matthew 5:29 "And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee; for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. 30 "And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."
These two artists clearly see this as a Joke, as I'm trying to present it here, others try to draw ethical lessons from it, I'm glad to say that very few people take it seriously enough to actually act on it, and walk around maimed for life!
On the other hand, thousands of years listening to humorless monks, priests, popes, and nuns who have trained their captive congregations to take all these sayings of Jesus very seriously, indeed the words of some one exactly equal to and as powerful (and malicious) as Yahweh, makes people not LAUGH, but be very fearful! FOR MORE JESUS JOKES, Click Here! OR CHOOSE OTHER SUBJECTS BELOW.
|
|
THE BLIND PROPHETESS WAS TOTALLY UNABLE TO SEE THE POINT IN JESUS' "HELL JOKES"
ELLEN G. WHITE QUESTION: Dear Sister White,
John 3:18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that BELIEVETH NOT is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the NAME of the only begotten Son of God." Condemned to what? Many Bible texts well known to Christian Evangelists!
CONDEMNED TO BURNING IN HELL FOREVER! ELLEN WHITE'S ANSWER: "WHEN THEY DIE, THEY WILL ALL BE SLEEPING IN THEIR GRAVES, THERE TO REMAIN FOR 1000 YEARS, WAITING FOR JESUS AND THE ADVENTISTS IN HEAVEN TO DECIDE THEIR ETERNAL DESTINY!" JACK CHICK COMICS
HELL IS PRIMARILY FOR ANGELS THAT SINNED BEFORE NOAH'S GREAT FLOOD (1 PETER 3:19-20), PURGATORY OR "LAKE OF FIRE" IS NOW AWAITING YOU, (REV. 20:14,15) DEPENDING ON WHETHER YOU ARE CATHOLIC OR SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST! HOWEVER, SATAN GETS SPECIAL TREATMENT, HE GETS TO BURN (SOMEWHERE) DAY AND NIGHT FOREVER AND EVER! (REV. 20:10)
Matthew 5:21 "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment." 22 "But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Ra-ca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire." 28 "---whosover looketh on a woman to LUST AFTER HER hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." 29 "And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee; for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell." (ONE OF THE "JOKER'S" MANY JOKES!)
FIND OUT WHO THE JOKER REALLY IS!
|
