Batman and Robin, THE JOKER, and the

BLIND PROPHETESS

PAGE 3 OF 3 PAGES

 THE HUMOR of JESUS

 Most of the World's Population knows little if anything about Jesus Christ and even fewer think of him as a humorist or Comic!

 

on this page we'll consider some of his

MARY MAGDALENE STORIES AND JOKES 

AS THE AUTHOR OF THE GOSPEL OF JOHN MAKES JESUS APPEAR TO BE THE GREEK GOD POSEIDON IN CHAPTER 21 SERVING FRIED FISH TO HIS DISCIPLES --

AND AS THE AUTHOR OF THE GOSPEL OF LUKE ALSO GIVES HIS PARABLE OF RICH MAN'S DESCENT INTO HELL (WHERE POSEIDON WAS THOUGHT TO REIGN) WHILE LAZARUS ASCENDED TO HEAVEN  SO ALSO

DOES LUKE ALLOW US TO SEE MARY MAGDALENE AS "ISIS" AND ALSO POTIFER'S WIFE WHO ATTEMPTED TO SEDUCE JOSEPH! AND AS I HAVE CHOSEN ON THIS WEB PAGE TO GIVE A MORE MODERN PRESENTATION OF SUCH FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, I'LL USE CAT-WOMAN AS MARY MAGDALENE'S ALTER EGO.

IN THIS CARTOON STRIP PICTURE OF CAT-WOMAN,

SHE'S ON THE FLOOR IN A PLAYFUL MOOD WITH THE

MOON IN HER BACK-GROUND, A LADY OF THE NIGHT.

AND HERE SHE IS IN ANOTHER TYPICAL POSE WITH

THE NEW YORK CITY (OOPS, GOTHAM) SKYLINE AND

THE BAT-SIGNAL ON THE CLOUD BEHIND HER!


IN LUKE'S GOSPEL, IN CHAPTER SEVEN, MARY

MAGDALENE PLAYS THE ROLE OF AN UNKNOWN

WOMAN "OF THE CITY" (GOTHAM?) ANOINTING

JESUS' FEET WITH AN ALABASTER BOX OF OINTMENT,

AND TEARS, AND DRYING THEM WITH HER HAIR.
 

THE NARRATIVE BY LUKE IS INTENTIONALLY EROTIC, AND ALLOWS READERS TO IMAGINE BOTH NAKEDNESS AND FOREPLAY, SUCH AS KISSING.

   LUKE 7:38 "And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment."

.
   44 "And he turned unto the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman?  I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet; but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head." 45 "Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet."

46 "My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment."

     BY NOT NAMING THIS "WOMAN OF THE CITY" EITHER MARY MAGDALENE, OR "MARY OF BETHANY" OR "MARY THE SISTER OF MARTHA AND LAZARUS", LUKE, THE CLEVER ONE, HAS FOREVER KEPT BRAIN DEAD PRIESTS, MODERN THEOLOGICALLY INEPT RELIGIOUS PROFESSORS WHO WISH TO PROTECT THEIR RETIREMENT INCOMES AND PRECIOUS REPUTATIONS FROM BEING TAKEN AWAY BY RABID FANATICS, AND BE ACCUSED OF EITHER AIDING OR OPPOSING FEMINISTS -- FROM EVER RECOGNIZING MARY MAGDALENE!

ISIS WAS BOTH THE WIFE OF OSIRIS AND MOTHER OF

HORUS IN ANCIENT EGYPTIAN THEOLOGY AND THE THREE

"GODS" MADE UP AN EGYPTIAN DIVINE TRINITY WHICH JESUS

REFERRED TO IN JOHN 3:16 and 17 -- HERE'S ISIS!

AND BELOW IS BATMAN AND THE CAT-WOMAN IN MY MORE MODERN INTERPRETATION OF WHAT A MODERN "LUKE", A MORE MODERN GOSPEL WRITER MIGHT USE AS AN EXAMPLE OF DIVINE BEINGS TRYING TO RELATE TO US HUMANS!

EGYPTIAN GODS HAD THEIR GODDESSES AND SO DID GREEK AND ROMAN GODS, BUT JEWISH, CHRISTIAN, AND ISLAMIC GODS ARE SUPPOSED TO REMAIN CELIBATE LIKE CATHOLIC PRIESTS AND NUNS.
SO ONLY A FEW WEB PAGES, SUCH AS THIS ONE, WILL ALLOW PICTURES OF JESUS AND MARY MAGDALENE AS A HAPPILY MARRIED BRIDE AND BRIDEGROOM! --- SUPPOSEDLY HERESY!

ACTUALLY I HAVE HAD THREE MAJOR WEB-SITES ON THE INTERNET SINCE 1998, HEALTHARK.COM, THEN JESUSINKASHMIR.COM, THEN NEWAGEGOD.COM -- I'VE FEATURED A MARRIED JESUS ON THESE WEB PAGES SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING.  SINCE THE ADVENT OF THE DA-VINCI CODE BOOK AND MOVIE BY DAN BROWN IT'S BEEN MUCH EASIER.

 AND BY "BLINDING" (NOT GIVING HER A SPECIFIC VISION THAT MARY MAGDALENE WAS JESUS' GIRLFRIEND AND LATER JESUS' WIFE) THE DIVINE HANDLERS, ANGELS AND JESUS, OF ELLEN G. WHITE, THE ADVENTIST MESSENGER AND, YES, PROPHETESS, WAS KEPT FROM GIVING OUT THIS POTENTIALLY DISRUPTIVE INFORMATION BEFORE ITS TIME.
WHICH PLAYS ALONG WITH MY SCHEME HERE, MY MODERN PARABLE, BECAUSE ONE NEEDS A "STRAIGHT" PERSON, A DEAD-PAN NON-BELIEVER TO ADD COMIC RELIEF TO THE TENSION!

ANOTHER OF LUKE'S "JOKES" --

THE ATTEMPTED RAPE OF THE

CELIBATE JESUS!

THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH, NOT IN THE BEGINNING WHEN PRIESTS AND POPES WERE MARRIED, AND WHEN SEMI-OPEN SEXUAL DEBAUCHERY WAS PRACTICED BY SOME, DECIDED LATER ON TO MAKE CELIBACY COMPULSORY -- FREEING THE CHURCH OF A LOT OF UNNECESSARY EXPENSE
THIS COMPULSORY CELIBACY HAS BEEN MAINTAINED PARTLY BY MOTHER MARY AND JESUS' EXAMPLE, SUPPORTED BY HINTS OF A VIRGIN BIRTH OF JESUS AND NO SPECIFIC MENTION OF HIS WIFE IN THE PRESERVED GOSPELS.  THIS POLICY HAS BACKFIRED IN RECENT TIMES.

BLIND CHRISTIANITY,

LED DOWN A GARDEN PATH BY

BLIND PRIESTS AND POPES,

CANNOT TOLERATE A "VISION" OF

"GOD" HAVING SEX WITH

MARY MAGDALENE

SO SCRIPT-WRITERS ARE GENERALLY FORBIDDEN TO

WRITE IN SCENES IN WHICH BATMAN ("GOD") IS GETTING

IT ON, GETTING "LAID IN THE SHADE", WITH CAT-WOMAN,

MARY MAGDALENE

(IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT, AS I'M SURE YOU DO.)

ANY SUNDAY-SCHOOL KID OF EITHER SEX AND OF ANY AGE (EVEN UNDER 13) WOULD RECOGNIZE THIS CARTOON AS BEING THE BIBLE HERO JOSEPH RUNNING AWAY FROM "TEMPTATION" IN THE FORM OF POTIPHAR'S WIFE TRYING TO UNDRESS HIM FOR PURPOSES PERHAPS A BIT UNCLEAR TO THOSE UNDER 13.

    Genesis 39:1 "And Joseph was brought down to Egypt; and Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, captain of the guard, an Egyptian, bought him of the hands of the Ishmaelites, which had brought him down thither."

     7 "And it came to pass after these things, that his master's wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me."  Nowadays we might use other more explicit terms, but I'd like to keep this page off the blocked list for children, so I'll not use these other terms.

    10 "And it came to pass, as she spake to Joseph day by day, that he hearkened not unto her, to lie with her, or to be with her."

     12 "And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me; and he left his garment in her hand, and left, and got him out."  I think people even nowadays can catch Joseph's drift here also.  Doing it with the boss's wife can get you hurt, or even killed!  The story finally ends in Joseph's favor, but only because he made the best choices.

Jesus as another Joseph

(Somebody grabbed at his garment also!)

    Luke 8:43 "And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could she be healed of any."

     THIS IS A SLIGHTLY DISGUISED MENSTRUATION JOKE, AND THE ONLY REASON LUKE "THE PHYSICIAN" HAS GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT FOR 1900 YEARS, IS THAT IT HAS BEEN COPIED BY MALE CATHOLIC SCRIBES WHO CHOOSE TO IGNORE THAT GIRLS OVER 12 OR 13 YEARS OLD HAVE BLEEDING "PERIODS" EVERY MONTH UNTIL THEIR FIRST PREGNANCY!  THIS WOMAN'S AGE, MARITAL CONDITION (SINGLE) AND LACK OF PREGNANCY IS BEING GIVEN HERE, BY LUKE (THE PHYSICIAN).  IT'S ABOUT THE SAME AS A CHART HUNG ON HER HOSPITAL BED!

     Luke 8:44 "Came behind him (Jesus, the Physician), a touched (not "clutched", that would have been too eager and too obvious) the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched."

     THE USUAL WAY THAT A 24 YEAR OLD'S MENSTRUAL PERIODS STOP "IMMEDIATELY" (THE WORD HERE USED BY LUKE THE PHYSICIAN) IS THAT THE WOMAN IS NOW PREGNANT, BUT THIS IS NOT TREATED UNTIL CERTAIN UNTIL THREE MONTHS HAS PASSED WITHOUT BLEEDING. AFTER 3 MONTHS, AN ESSENE WHO CAUSED THIS PREGNANCY TO OCCUR WAS EXPECTED TO MARRY THE GIRL, AND THAT WOULD BE HIS ONLY ALLOWED WIFE.
BUT JESUS MUST PLAY COY HERE FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THOSE WHO WILL DEPEND FOR 1900 YEARS ON HIS ASSUMED CELIBACY!

    Luke 8:45 "And Jesus said, Who touched me? When all denied, Peter and they that were with him said, Master, the multitude throng thee and press thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?

    Luke 8:46 "And Jesus said, Somebody hath touched me: for I perceive that virtue has gone out of me." (Virtue as Sperm!)

   47 "And when the woman saw that she was not hid (Pregnancy is hard to hide) she came trembling, and falling down before him, she declared

unto him before all the people for what cause she had touched him. and how she was healed immediately." TRY THIS! "I wanted to get pregnant so I could be his legally wedded Essene wife, and here I am, pregnant!

Jesus Raised (Married)

Jairus' Daughter

    LUKE does not name Mary Magdalene as the person being "healed" in either of these 2 miracles in Chapter 8, but he gives us a hint "they" are the same person by repeating the number 12 in two consecutive verses, verses 42 and 43.  Twelve years old in verse 42. Twelve years of bleeding in 43.

    Luke 8:41 "And, behold, there came a man name Jairus, and he was a ruler of the synagogue: and he fell down at Jesus' feet, and besought him that he would come into his house."

   42 "For he had one only daughter, about twelve years of age, and she lay a dying. But as he went, the people thronged him."

     49 "While he yet spake (to the now pregnant 24-year-old), there cometh one from the ruler of the synagogue's house, saying to him, Thy daughter is dead; trouble not the Master."

     50 "But when Jesus heard it, he answered him, saying, Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole."

     51 "And when he had come into the house, he suffered no man to go in, save Peter, and James, and John, and the father and the mother of the maiden."  

      52 "And all wept, and bewailed her: but he said, weep not; she is not dead but sleepeth."

     53 "And they laughed him to scorn, knowing that she was dead,"

     54 "And he put them all out, (watch this! He's alone with her now.  No Peter, James, and John.  No father.  No mother. It's their wedding night!  And Jairus' daughter is MARY MAGDALENE!), and took her by the hand, (and did a few other things, not mentioned here), and called, saying, Maid, arise,"

    55 "And her spirit came again, and she arose straightway: and he commanded to give her meat."

    56 "And her parents were astonished: but he charged them that they should tell no man what was done."

     AND INDEED LUKE HAS HONORED THAT REQUEST OF JESUS TO MARY MAGDALENE'S PARENTS.  SO FAR AS THE BRAIN-DEAD CATHOLIC PRIESTS, NUNS, POPES, AND MODERN SO-CALLED "SCHOLARS" ARE CONCERNED, NOTHING WAS DONE OTHER THAN A USUAL "RAISING OF A DEAD GIRL" BY JESUS.  HAPPENED EVERY WEEK OR SO BACK THEN.

    BUT TO A FEW OF US NOT QUITE SO BLIND, WE NOW KNOW HOW OLD SHE WAS (24), WHO HER PARENTS WERE, JAIRUS AND HIS WIFE, AND HOW SHE GOT PREGNANT --HOLDING HANDS WITH JESUS WHEN NOBODY ELSE WAS IN HER BEDROOM.  HOW'S THAT FOR A JESUS JOKE!

   

AND AS FOR YOU REGULAR BATMAN AND CAT-WOMAN COMIC

READERS, YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IT IS FOR YOU NOT

TO IMAGINE THESE TWO IN BED WITH EACH OTHER!  AMEN!

THIS IS THE END OF THE

JESUS HUMOR SECTION,

CLICK OTHER CHOICES BELOW!

 

Je Suis Charlie

My Explanation

Jack Chick Comics

Deadly Serious!

Apostle Paul

Deceive Gentiles!

Swallow a

Camel -- Jesus

 

Blind Guides --

Jesus Humor

 

Kiss my (foot)

Jesus Humor

 
Ellen Harmon

Tormented Teen

 
Ellen Harmon

A New Age

 

Ellen G. White

Satan in Disguise

Batman in the

Bat-Cave

Robin lives in Edneyville

Next Stop--Bat Cave!

The JOKER's

Deception Talent

   

THE BLIND PROPHETESS WAS TOTALLY UNABLE TO SEE THE POINT IN JESUS' "HELL JOKES"

  

ELLEN G. WHITE

     QUESTION:  Dear Sister White,

What happens to those who do not accept Christ as their Savior?

    John 3:18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that BELIEVETH NOT is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the NAME of the only begotten Son of God."  Condemned to what? Many Bible  texts well known to Christian Evangelists!

CONDEMNED TO BURNING IN HELL FOREVER!

   ELLEN WHITE'S ANSWER: "WHEN THEY DIE, THEY WILL ALL BE SLEEPING IN THEIR GRAVES, THERE TO REMAIN FOR 1000 YEARS, WAITING FOR JESUS AND THE ADVENTISTS IN HEAVEN TO DECIDE THEIR ETERNAL DESTINY!"

    JACK CHICK COMICS

 

    HELL IS PRIMARILY FOR ANGELS THAT SINNED BEFORE NOAH'S GREAT FLOOD (1 PETER 3:19-20), PURGATORY OR "LAKE OF FIRE" IS NOW AWAITING YOU, (REV. 20:14,15) DEPENDING ON WHETHER YOU ARE CATHOLIC OR SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST!  HOWEVER, SATAN GETS SPECIAL TREATMENT, HE GETS TO BURN (SOMEWHERE) DAY AND NIGHT FOREVER AND EVER! (REV. 20:10)

    Matthew 5:21 "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment."

     22 "But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Ra-ca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire."

    28 "---whosover looketh on a woman to LUST AFTER HER hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

    29 "And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee; for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should  perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."    (ONE OF THE "JOKER'S" MANY JOKES!)